Wednesday, March 28, 2007
i know i've been swaying from extreme to extreme for 2007 so far.. 3 months have passed, and new year seemed like it was just yesterday.. it's time to realise that time is passing by really fast, and the promos will come soon.. looking at the retainees, i suddenly feel that it's time i really start studying.. but then that's not all i have to do.. there's the co-curricular component which i have to tidy up nicely in order to get that prestigious scholarship so many other people are vying for.. so i guess it's a give-and-take situation, losing time on studies and risking my grades just for that illustrious cca record.. leading, shooting, flying.. and that leaves like less than 20 hours a week of free time to do homework..
then there are times when i'm emo and i just want to stone in my room reflecting on certain things.. so it's time lost again.. and i'm still confused with myself, not sure what i want for myself.. struggling to manage my academic work, to juggle time between NCC, shooting and flying which i hope i'll get in, the confusions of emotions running wild within my heart, and to find my identity in a class which already has a bad impression of me.. and of course, i want to find time for God.. i know i haven't exactly been the best follower of God my whole life, ignoring his calls and excusing myself from church just because of totally absurd reasons.. so i want to learn to love him, like how much he has loved me.. but Lord, i haven't settled my mind on my identity, be it a Roman Catholic or Methodist.. but i'm sure you wouldn't mind either way, Lord?
God, you made me this certain way and i'm sure you know how i go about doing things.. i chose to follow the Roman Catholic way of life because i didn't like how i was forced into believing You when i first came into Your church.. i found it easier to relate to You through the Catholic churches where i learnt to know You better.. then as i grew up, i learnt that i could worship You in anyway i found comfortable and closest to my heart, and for that i thank You Lord.. now that i'm back to ACJC, i'm once again exposed to the Methodist way of worship, but i realised i'm no longer daunted by their approach to You.. so Lord, i pray that you will give me the clarity of mind if i really have to choose from one, but know that Lord, whichever i choose, i worship You with all my heart..
girl, know that i haven't stopped loving you.. i can't think of what i should say to you, but i really hope that your mum will change her mind one day.. i'll still be here waiting for that day to come..
so, thats just some reflections for the day..
Lord, i thank You for loving me today, just like every other day..
forever and ever, babe
then there are times when i'm emo and i just want to stone in my room reflecting on certain things.. so it's time lost again.. and i'm still confused with myself, not sure what i want for myself.. struggling to manage my academic work, to juggle time between NCC, shooting and flying which i hope i'll get in, the confusions of emotions running wild within my heart, and to find my identity in a class which already has a bad impression of me.. and of course, i want to find time for God.. i know i haven't exactly been the best follower of God my whole life, ignoring his calls and excusing myself from church just because of totally absurd reasons.. so i want to learn to love him, like how much he has loved me.. but Lord, i haven't settled my mind on my identity, be it a Roman Catholic or Methodist.. but i'm sure you wouldn't mind either way, Lord?
God, you made me this certain way and i'm sure you know how i go about doing things.. i chose to follow the Roman Catholic way of life because i didn't like how i was forced into believing You when i first came into Your church.. i found it easier to relate to You through the Catholic churches where i learnt to know You better.. then as i grew up, i learnt that i could worship You in anyway i found comfortable and closest to my heart, and for that i thank You Lord.. now that i'm back to ACJC, i'm once again exposed to the Methodist way of worship, but i realised i'm no longer daunted by their approach to You.. so Lord, i pray that you will give me the clarity of mind if i really have to choose from one, but know that Lord, whichever i choose, i worship You with all my heart..
girl, know that i haven't stopped loving you.. i can't think of what i should say to you, but i really hope that your mum will change her mind one day.. i'll still be here waiting for that day to come..
so, thats just some reflections for the day..
Lord, i thank You for loving me today, just like every other day..
forever and ever, babe
shout to the Lord 10:37 pm