. so you would come -

2007-07-08T00:31:00.001+08:00

daryl.. your song, is damn emo -.-

2007-07-02T14:39:00.000+08:00

9th sortie tomorrow, and i dreamt that i screwed it up.. i hope i don't..

2007-07-02T14:37:00.000+08:00

152BFC, one third of it..

2007-05-31T12:58:00.000+08:00

i realise i haven't really been blogging lately, mostly because i've been too busy spending time at seletar waiting for a slot to fly my sorties..
schoolwork is currently on hold, till further notice..
Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End, is a really good movie..
Lord, i thank You for having given me so many things to do, for they make my life interesting (:
---
i miss the times where we could spend the whole day together..
i'm kind of guilty i rejected so many of your offers (jogging) because of cca and stuff..
you know the things i love to say, and i love to say the things you know..
through these 6-7 months, there never was a time i quit hoping that maybe.....
waiting is nothing, compared to His love for you..
---
Lord, i thank You for giving me someone to love, as You have loved me so much.. Lord, i draw strength from You, that i may love as You have instructed us to.. and for those who have gone weary in the path to find You, Lord, i pray that You will touch their hearts with Your angels and rekindle their passion to seek a place at Your banquet in heaven.. Amen (:

2007-04-25T22:30:00.000+08:00

6 months ago at around this time, i told you i did
and i still remember 'cause i still do
but why does it matter anymore..

Lord, i thank You for having placed everything in my life so nicely.. and it is recently that i realised how wonderful Your plans are for me.. how my shots have been falling nicely on that target card, how i've been called up for my flying interview well ahead of schedule, how the class is slowly accepting me again, and how i've found strength from knowing You in RCIY.. so i pray Lord, that You will give me strength to face 2 major results tomorrow.. ACJC Shooting Team trials and Youth Flying Club interview.. Lord, i know i've done my best in both, and i've done each in honour of Your name, so teach me to accept the results with pride for they are good in Your eyes.. also Lord, i pray you will bless me with clarity of mind for chemistry SPA assessment tomorrow, that i may attempt all questions with the confidence that You are with me.. and i pray for amanda, as she struggles to adapt to life in australia, that You will comfort her with the knowledge of Your presence.. and i pray for all people around me, that as time passes day by day, they will learn of Your wonders in their lives and get to know You.. and i pray that she will find her answer soon, though i may not have the privilege to be part of that answer, i know it is good for You know what is best for her.. and i pray all these, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.. Amen.

2007-04-15T00:39:00.000+08:00

2007-04-14T15:06:00.000+08:00

this is my last post as an inquirer.. today, i will go through the Rite of Reception and i will become a cathecumen.. today marks the beginning of RCIY cycle 2007-2008, and today marks the start of my journey to baptism next Easter.. today, i'll make the decision to learn more about God, and learn to live my life for Him.. today, i thank Him for accepting me..

amanda, i pray that God will watch over you as you pursue your studies in Australia, and that He will light your path on foreign land.. we'll meet again soon! (:

and i pray that God will shower His blessings on you..

2007-04-06T23:54:00.000+08:00

oh, and:
Christ has died, Christ is risen, and Christ will come again.

To judge the living and the dead, to bring us to his kingdom, will we be ready when that time comes?

2007-04-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

God gave each of us certain gifts and talents, and us not pursuing them and making good use of them would be doing Him injustice.. i have found new passion in the air pistol, and i promise You i will strive hard to do my best in it..

and a verse written on the wall of ACJC's sports complex that overlooks the track, very inspirational during a 2.4km run as we cross the starting line for the 4th, 5th and last lap..

"And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, [who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.]"

the part in [ ] is not on the wall, but i find it apt because of what i'll say next.. today in church, we went through the stations of the cross, and it suddenly struck me how much more Christ had to suffer as compared to what i have, and He never said a word of complain.. Lord, teach me how to endure like how You have, and work in me Your ways..

I pray for the unity of all Christians, to praise You in one voice.
I pray for those who do not believe in Christ, that they will learn to accept You as their Saviour.
I pray for those who do not believe in God, that they will see Your works and praise Your existence in every life.
I pray for the children of God that have yet to be baptised, that they will one day make the decision to die with Christ and be resurrected into His kingdom.
I pray for my friends, that God will grant them the strength to carry out what they set out to achieve, only to exalt You.
I pray for you, from John 8:32, that "you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

And i thank God, because the plans He has for my life is beautiful.
God, i want to be Your warrior defending Your cross.
Onward, Christian Soldiers!

2007-04-02T23:51:00.000+08:00

thank You Lord, for allowing Jasmine to be discharged today, a total of at least 3 days in advance.. this is definitely Your miracle, thank You.. though her condition has yet to be diagnosed, i am sure that God, You will take good care of her and bring her out of sickness in good time..

God, i thank You for coming down to save us this Friday some 2000 years ago..

2007-04-01T03:46:00.000+08:00

if you love me, you'll know that i deserve more than "you deserve someone better" from you..
if you love me, you'll do anything to get us together, or at least try till you have no regrets..
if you love me, you'll know what i want and how strongly i feel for that..
if you love me, you will not say you hate me for no rhyme or reason..

but if deep down, you really don't feel anything for me, and i don't manage to change your mind with what i do, then i'll let you do what you're happiest with, because i love you..

and i pray that God will give you the clarity of mind to make a wise decision, a decision that you will not regret making..

2007-04-01T00:21:00.000+08:00

Lord, i wonder why i feel so injusticed sometimes, but let me know that when some things happen, it could be my fault.. yesterday, a 2nd intake girl came up to me and told me that someone told her i was weird during i lesson i did not attend.. Lord, i admit that i behave weirdly sometimes, but she didn't have to tell the new people like that? but Lord, let me not hold a grudge against her..

i've been pretty tired in school nowadays, thinking of what people were thinking and all.. Lord, give me the peace of mind and that i don't have to worry about what they thought of me anymore.. but for now, i shall put all my time into studies and CCA, and i don't care about them anymore.. maybe this is part of your plan for me to place more emphasis on my studies, Lord, and i thank You because it will be a beautiful plan..

Lord, i also pray that You will bless Jasmine with a speedy recovery from her condition, and that she will be discharged from hospital soon.. i really hope she does not have to go through that painful ordeal, that she will return to her chirpy self once again..

Finally, Lord, though i haven't really given up yet, i admit i have grown weary in my attempts.. Lord, i ask not for her to love me, but that You will let her know that i have never let her down.. Lord, You know i was not the one who spread her name around, so let her believe me, Lord.. or if it is Your will, let her not, that she will have an easier time removing me from her memory.. Lord, i trust in You and that You have plans for my future.. i will strive hard to achieve what is best for me, and in turn glorify Your name, and for all the beautiful things that have appeared in my life, i thank You..

2007-03-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

i know i've been swaying from extreme to extreme for 2007 so far.. 3 months have passed, and new year seemed like it was just yesterday.. it's time to realise that time is passing by really fast, and the promos will come soon.. looking at the retainees, i suddenly feel that it's time i really start studying.. but then that's not all i have to do.. there's the co-curricular component which i have to tidy up nicely in order to get that prestigious scholarship so many other people are vying for.. so i guess it's a give-and-take situation, losing time on studies and risking my grades just for that illustrious cca record.. leading, shooting, flying.. and that leaves like less than 20 hours a week of free time to do homework..

then there are times when i'm emo and i just want to stone in my room reflecting on certain things.. so it's time lost again.. and i'm still confused with myself, not sure what i want for myself.. struggling to manage my academic work, to juggle time between NCC, shooting and flying which i hope i'll get in, the confusions of emotions running wild within my heart, and to find my identity in a class which already has a bad impression of me.. and of course, i want to find time for God.. i know i haven't exactly been the best follower of God my whole life, ignoring his calls and excusing myself from church just because of totally absurd reasons.. so i want to learn to love him, like how much he has loved me.. but Lord, i haven't settled my mind on my identity, be it a Roman Catholic or Methodist.. but i'm sure you wouldn't mind either way, Lord?

God, you made me this certain way and i'm sure you know how i go about doing things.. i chose to follow the Roman Catholic way of life because i didn't like how i was forced into believing You when i first came into Your church.. i found it easier to relate to You through the Catholic churches where i learnt to know You better.. then as i grew up, i learnt that i could worship You in anyway i found comfortable and closest to my heart, and for that i thank You Lord.. now that i'm back to ACJC, i'm once again exposed to the Methodist way of worship, but i realised i'm no longer daunted by their approach to You.. so Lord, i pray that you will give me the clarity of mind if i really have to choose from one, but know that Lord, whichever i choose, i worship You with all my heart..

girl, know that i haven't stopped loving you.. i can't think of what i should say to you, but i really hope that your mum will change her mind one day.. i'll still be here waiting for that day to come..

so, thats just some reflections for the day..
Lord, i thank You for loving me today, just like every other day..

forever and ever, babe

2007-03-26T22:51:00.001+08:00

Dear Lord,
I pray that You give me strength to control my emotions, to stay strong. Lord, You are the only one that knows the real struggles that have been going on within our hearts, and You are the only one who knows how much we had to suffer before we came to this. So I commit this relationship, or what was a relationship, into Your hands, Lord. Lord, I know that I may not see Your hand at this point, but give me the confidence to trust in Your heart, for I believe that You have a plan for the both of us. If it is Your will that we will never be, then I hope that Lord, You have plans for a better person to love her. That though I cannot be the one who gives her happiness, that I will be happy knowing someone else can love her more than I can, someone who gives You more than I do. Lord, I bow humbly before You today, knowing that You have given me much more than I can ask for. Yes Lord, You hear the cries in my heart for the outcome I hope for, but You know what is best for her. So today Lord, I pray that You will shower Your blessings upon her, that I will know that she is safe in Your arms. Also dear Lord, let it be known that when I pray through Mother Mary our Perpetual Succour, my prayers seek only You, the one and only God. Lord, I love her, but You love her more than I do, so help me Lord.
I pray in Your most holy name, Amen.